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WAH HAHAHAHA!!!
Tuesday, September 18, 2001 - 03:56 p.m.
I'm tired as fuck, but guess what I picked up from the post office this morning? *grins'n boings insanely*
Mweeheeheehee! I got my tapes! I got my tapes!
Now, if only I could just go home and watch'm I'd be in heaven. But, alas, such is not my life. ;_; If today plays out like the past several days have, I'm not gonna be home 'till way late, and I gotta get up and go to work in the morning a little earlier than usual. T_T
Oh, well. Maybe I can take a half-day on Thursday. That would be so awesome. Sleep....... o_o
aftermath (politics warning)
Thursday, September 13, 2001 - 08:42 p.m.
I've had some time to sit and reflect. As well as having the privilege to talk with several of our community leaders over the past couple of days.
What strikes me, is that the fear that I have, not of the terrorists, but of American reaction, is shared by a lot of people. I read the newspaper, watch the news on TV, and listen to the radio and constantly hear two disparate things. On the one hand, there has been an outpouring of support and compassion from the American people. On the other hand, our fucking leaders are already declaring war. On who, they just don't quite know yet, but damn me if we aren't going to war.
It sickens me that the US government is using this tragedy not to critically analyze itself and its practices around the world, but is instead using this as the catalyst to increase their military budget in order to raise military production and power in the US.
This next part's gonna start sounding angry again, so if you don't want to read it, don't. That's why I have the politics warning in the title. I realize that not everyone is ready to face the political and socio-economic realities of this 'great' country that I happen to live in.
This is going to sound harsh, but after the initial shock of horror, what surprised me the most wasn't the fact that the US was a target of a terrorist act. What struck me was that we had been incredibly lucky to have avoided it for so long. Considering the long history of US involvement in third-world and developing nations, it's of no real surprise that we are the most hated nation in the world. During the cold war, the US systematically went into developing nations and helped depose governments that weren't 'anti-communist' enough, instead supporting fascist and oppressive regimes. You think I'm kidding? Think of Cambodia. Think of Indonesia. Think of Afghanistan. Who the fuck do you think it was that trained Osamu bin Laden how to be such a good soldier of terror?
For something more close and personal to me, it was the US that divided up my country and set the stage for the Korean War. They also suppressed the committees formed after Korean liberation from Japan that were tackling the effort of becoming independent and ruling themselves. But, again, because those committees weren't anti-communist enough, they were suppressed and attacked by the American military. Then, the American leadership put Japanese collaborators as the leadership of Korea. Is it any wonder that Kim Il Sung had such support and enjoyed such success for the first part of the war?
Then there's the fear that I have of what will happen domestically. In this atmosphere of war fever, I've already heard some Senators stating that the American people would have to forgo certain civil liberties in exchange for national security. That language scares me. Scares the shit out of me.
That's the type of mentality that allowed the US government to place Japanese Americans into concentration camps. Even if they did try to justify it by saying it was for national security, they had no right to take their own citizens and lock them up. No fucking right at all. What makes the government, and the majority of society, think that just because a person wasn't born in this country, or some ancestor down the line wasn't born in this country, that we don't have the same fucking patriotic spirit and love for America that they do? Shit. If anything, because of the oppression and poverty that most immigrants are fleeing, they should have the most love and gratitude for the US. But, because of the systematic oppression that the US puts upon ethnic minorities and immigrants, we're pretty much left with no choice to to hate the established system of government and wealth.
*sighs* I'm gonna stop now 'cause I could go on forever. I just hope that I've given some people something to think about. 'Cause really, that's all I can hope for. ~_~
And don't worry. This is the last time that I post my political views in the blog. I wanna go back to being my old silly self again. So, I'll save all my ranting for my section on ranting. :P
thoughts and feelings
Wednesday, September 12, 2001 - 12:35 a.m.
Earlier today, I had a lot of anger. It's hard for me to express what I feel sometimes, so, here's what I wrote earlier in the day on a forum.
Y'know what? I don't know what the hell is gonna come out right now 'cause I'm angry and scared as fuck.
What pisses me off like nobody's business is that people are automatically placing blame and responsibility on the Palestinians. Yeah, they hate us. Fuck, lots of people in the world hate us. Sometimes, I hate us. But that doesn't mean that we should automatically be demonizing and blaming the Palestinians.
As for the Palestinians celebrating in the street? Dude, I can totally understand why. I know people whose first reactions were to go, "Fuck ya! Take that you fucking bastards!" Why? Because sometimes, it doesn't hit you about the human factor until later, until someone pulls you back into reality. It's the very fact that so many nations and people hate the United States that makes that behavior understandable.
Personally, I didn't have that first reaction. My first reaction was pure and total horror. 50,000 fucking people worked in the World Trade Center, and anyone cowardly enough to target /anyone/, whether it be civilian or military needs to have their balls ripped off one by fucking one.
Can you tell I'm angry? Well, good. I am. I'm fucking outraged. Both by what happened AND by what I'm seeing in the aftermath. This ready acceptance to place blame without actually knowing who is responsible sickens me.
Can you even imagine what the ramifications of this are going to be? Little brown-skinned boys and girls are going to be the targets of hate and racism like never before. Think about the rampant racism that exists still and is now exacerbated by this. And there are fucking ignorant people out there who aren't going to be able to distinguish one brown person from another. All people who look remotely Middle Eastern should be understandably scared for their fucking lives right now. And that pisses me the fuck off.
For all we fucking know, it could have been domestic fanatic factions that did this. If it is, that scares the fuck outta me, too.
I work for a progressive non-profit organization who's seen as pretty damn radical in the Los Angeles area. There are hundreds of other organizations that are seen the same way. If it does turn out to be domestic, then we're gonna see a crack down on all slightly progressive organizations because we'll be seen as 'threats'.
Imagine the state of fear and intolerance that this tragedy is going to make crop up, no matter who is responsible. Imagine and fear and be fucking angry. I am. But don't hate. Never fucking hate because that's the type of thinking that made this goddamn FUCKED UP thing possible.
Then my friend responded.
I agree. but there are so many things that disgust me about this, including the events AND the ramifications of what happened.
I am disgusted by the actual killing of so many innocent people, I am disgusted by the reactions of the palestinians, I am disgusted by the fact that random acts of violence and racism have already started against random members of the middle eastern population who live here in america.
I am just disgusted over all. humans disgust me. there are few times when I have felt more disgust at the human population of the world than this.
And I respond to her.
For the first time in my fucking life, I completely agree with you, akumachan. And that disgusts me, too.
I am, at heart, a very optimistic and forgiving person. The fact that I am able to feel such anger here disgusts me. Anger is good. Being able to have a voice, being able to shout and scream and yell is good. This almost debilitating disgust that is resulting is not.
I want to be able to see hope. I want to be able to see all the people of America coming together in unity and solidarity. I don't want to fucking have the racism and prejudice that I work against thrown up and slapped in my face.
Like I said, sometimes, I fucking hate this country that I live in. For all the sugar-coating that we put on America, this is one fucked up country. For being the largest and one of the richest countries, we still systematically oppress people of different ethnicities and backgrounds. Just this last weekend, I got to bond with people who led fucked up lives, and had their childhoods taken away because of the color of skin they were born with and the area that they grew up in.
And all you fuckers out there whoa re about to jump in and tell me that if I don't like it, leave. Y'know what? Fuck you. Fuck all of y'all. I don't let it be known, but I have had to deal with feeling unwelcome in this goddamn country myself. Everyday, I look in the mirror and am reminded that for a lot of people, I am not fucking welcome.
I'm tired of being the 'good li'l asian girl'. I'm about to bust out as fucking angry asian woman. And anyone that doesn't like it. Fuck you.
Now, I'm still angry. But it's a more directed, more focused anger that leads to conviction and determination.
I know it may be surprising to hear language like that coming from me, but I am actually a highly politicized person. I just don't usually bring that into my online life because I realize that there are people out there that don't hold the same political views as I do. I also realize that just because our politics don't match, doesn't mean I can't still be friends with someone. So, I usually check a lot of my more 'radical' thinking at the door.
Inky got to feel the brunt of my anger today as I ranted and vented my frustration on her. Lucky for me, she understands all about the passion that I have for social justice.
It's just ... I sit and pray that we don't see a lot of hating backlash in the coming days, weeks, and months. No child deserves to be beaten up or get things thrown at them.
gah... o_o;
Monday, September 10, 2001 - 08:34 p.m.
I'm scared to open my nightkids.org email... I'm afraid of the sheer number of mails I'll find. ^^;;
Although, hase says inky's written a fic, so now I wanna go read. :P
*boingy-boingy-splat*
Sunday, September 9, 2001 - 11:59 p.m.
That's kinna how I feel right now. Just back to LA from SF, and I'm tired. Big surprise there, right? :P Y'know what's funny though? Even though I'm tired, this weekend has been one of the most relaxing I've had in a while. I slept so much, it was great. XD
My sister and I picked up my parents from the airport earlier today. Whee! I got presents! There were the obligatory underwear, of course, but what Korean comes back from Korea without underwear to give away? ^_~ I also got this really nice three-piece suit. The pants were a little tight around my thighs, so I left those with my mom, but the jacket's real nice. ^_____^
Time for some really random comments now:
My tapes of Initial D should be coming soon. Yay!
I'm about halfway finished with my hakama for my Anji costume. Woohoo! Having a sewing machine really makes things faster. :p Now all I gotta do is hem the thing, add the waistband and back panel, and then the white lines on the legs. I'm so proud of myself. ^___^v
Just read hase's BBD6... *imagines Kyo without eyebrows* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I gotta figure out my schedule so I know what I can or can't do for New Years. ~_~
*yawns* I'm really sleepy. ^^;;
home and tired
Sunday, September 9, 2001 - 01:38 a.m.
~_~ Why is it that my state of being is constantly tired? I dun wanna be tired. I wanna be perky'n hyper'n boingy. *pouts*
I went into San Francisco with ritty-bitty-boo tonight. We walked down Broadway for awhile. Y'know what I realized? Other than it's fucking cold in SF, there are a helluva lotta strip clubs there... o_o;; And if you're not into that or drinking, there ain't a whole helluva lot y'can do. :P
Hee hee. Before I left to go home, I actually managed to finish a Kei/Taku smut fic. ^___________^ Mweeheeheeheehee! I surprised myself. It has absolutely no redeeming value and is completely plotless. XD
Still gotta reread and polish it up a bit, but I'm hella proud of it. *grins* I even managed to get past a personal hangup and use the word 'cock'. >D Lalala...
Na, inky, I noticed Seiji's flying ponytail, too, and it made me think of what's her name in Resident Evil. *giggles* d00d, how fast is rhino-boy going that his ponytail is flying out behind him? And that Bunta's racing school thing... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Now, off to blog on Project_D... *cackles*
oh, boy... o_o;;
Wednesday, September 5, 2001 - 05:04 p.m.
*sweatdrops* And this is why I should never be allowed near a computer and Paypal when anime is on the line...
I just ordered eps 25-26 of the first season, the rest of second season, and extra stage from a fansubber. ^^;;
Not that it's a bad thing, 'cause I really wanna see'm, but...*peeps in her bank account* o_o;;
Oi.
d00d, I SO wanna go home right now, but I still have another hour of work here, then tutoring for an hour. THEN I can get my ass home and to writing. >D And since I won't get to a computer again until Friday night, I need to get as much done tonight as possible, before this current writing spree fizzles out. :P
mweeheeheeheehee!
Wednesday, September 5, 2001 - 03:14 p.m.
Y'know, I do believe I've just found my theme song. *grins* Miz'n Rit will know why. XD
Offspring
Bad Habit
Hey man you know I'm really okay
The gun in my hand will tell you the same
But when I'm in my car
Don't give me no crap
Cause the slightest thing and I just might snap
When I go driving I stay in my lane
But getting cut off makes me insane
I open the glove box
Reach inside
I'm gonna wreck this fucker's ride
I guess I got a bad habit
And it ain't goin' away Yeah
Well they say the road's a dangerous place
If you flip me off I'm the danger you'll face
You drive on my ass
You're foot's on the gas
And your next breath is your last
Drivers are rude
Such attitudes
But when I show my piece
Complaints cease
Something's odd
I feel like I'm God
You stupid dumbshit goddam motherfucker
I open the glove box
Reach inside
I'm gonna wreck this fucker's ride
Mweeheeheehee! I luuuuuv Offspring! >D
Here lemon lemon lemon lemon!
Wednesday, September 5, 2001 - 03:00 p.m.
Sweeeeeeeet lemon!
Hrm. I need to go climb on sami's lemon tree. *nods* Yes. I do. I also need for work to be finished so that I may go home and write the Kei/Taku smut just itching to get out. XD
Fool's Garden - Lemon Tree
I'm Sitting Here In A Boring Room
It's Just Another Rainy Sunday Afternoon
I'm Wasting My Time I Got Nothing To Do
I'm Hanging Around I'm Waiting For You
But Nothing Ever Happens - And I Wonder
I'm Driving Around In My Car
I'm Driving Too Fast I'm Driving Too Far
I'd Like To Change My Point Of View
I Feel So Lonely I'm Waiting For You
But Nothing Ever Happens - And I Wonder
I Wonder How I Wonder Why
Yesterday You Told Me 'bout The Blue Blue Sky
And All That I Can See Is Just A Yellow Lemon-tree
I'm Turning My Head Up And Down
I'm Turning Turning Turning Turning Turning Around
And All That I Can See Is Just A Yellow Lemon-tree
I'm Sitting Here I Miss The Power
I'd Like To Go Out Taking A Shower
But There's A Heavy Cloud Inside My Head
I Feel So Tired Put Myself Into Bed
Where Nothing Ever Happens - And I Wonder
Isolation - Is Not Good For Me
Isolation - I Don't Want To Sit On A Lemon-tree
I'm Steppin' Around In A Desert Of Joy
Baby Anyhow I'll Get Another Toy
And Everything Will Happen - And You'll Wonder
I Wonder How I Wonder Why
Yesterday You Told Me 'bout The Blue Blue Sky
And All That I Can See Is Just A Yellow Lemon-tree
I'm Turning Around My Head Up And Down
I'm Turning Turning Turning Turning Turning Around
And All That I Can See Is Just A Yellow Lemon-tree
na na na na na, all around the world
Tuesday, September 4, 2001 - 08:40 p.m.
My friend burned me a couple of cds and 'around the world' is on one of them and has been stuck in my head all damn day. ^^;;
Goddamn, I spent over 7 hours at the Mitsubishi service center today getting my brakes fixed. ~_~ Shit. I thought I'd get in and out again in a couple hours. Boy was I wrong. Not only that, my rotors were so messed up that I had to get new ones. *whimpers* $400! T_T
Oh, well. What can y'do? :P I did get to write a little while I was there. Not anything I was already working on though... >_> *eyes her unfinished fics...* Instead, I started a new KeiTaku smut ficcy. >D Mweeheeheeheehee!
[Keisuke: *grins*]
[Takumi: *blushes*]
I think I figured out why I like Takumi with either Keisuke or Ryousuke. *grins* It's because he's so damn oblivious that he's practically screaming for an older man to come along and show him the 'way'. *waggles eyebrows* ^____^
I'm ba~~~~ck!
Monday, September 3, 2001 - 04:15 a.m.
From yaoi-con. Got back with *counts* six new doujinshi. ^_________^
1. Escape from Earth. Just guess what fandom and pairing this one has. Betcha y'can't. Give up? It's Space Pirate Captain Harlock. ^O^ I saw this and I wanted it. At first, I didn't think I wanted to get it 'caue it was over $50. Then, I found it it was 30% off, so I went, okay, thirty-something dollars isn't nice, but it's a helluva lot better than fifty bucks, so I got it. XD Oh, my God. It's Captain Harlock. As uke! Kya!
2. & 3. KOF djs by Aya Shouoto. Y'know, anytime I look at KOF djs, the ones I end up buying are by her. Not too surprising 'cause her Iori is just SO fucking hot! *drools* I must admit, that my KOF obsession is one of my most brainless. It's simply because I like to see Kyo'n Iori getting it on, and I don't even need any justification for it. ^^;;
4. A pretty li'l Tseng/Rufus dj. ^______^ Beautiful cover art and pretty pretty Tseng inside. With a Rufus that doesn't look like he's 10. XD
5. A rather silly li'l Initial D gag doujinshi that's SO fucking random. I can't figure out what the hell is happening at all. o_O;; For some reason, Ryousuke spends the entire time in the dj sitting on Keisuke's shoulders. O_o;; It is pretty funny, though. Even as I was going, 'WTF?!', I was laughing my ass off. *giggles* And, there's this one really incredibly hot'n rumpled Ryousuke. ^______^
6. *preens* Another Initial D dj. ^__________^ A really, really, really nice Initial D dj. Hee hee. It's Ryouponchan with Tofu-boy, but it's verra nice. Ryoupon even mangaes to not be uke this time. XD There're also several nice pics of other Ini-D boys. Wataru. Kyo. Kai. Takeshi. And one pic where I can't figure out whether it's Shingo or Ryou... o_O;; And if it seems like I've used the word 'nice' to describe this dj a lot, it's only because every time I look through it, my brain turns to mush and dribbles out my ears so that all I'm left with are simple words like 'nice'. Mmmmrrrowr! =^.^=
As soon as I have a day free that I can go into work to use the scanner there, I will make a whole bunch of scans for everyone to see. ^_^v
On a not so nice note, it looks like I need to change my brake pads and rotors. >_< Ugh. Here I thought I'd have a little extra money for myself, and instead, I gotta plunk it down so that I can feel safe about driving up and down a mountain pass at the end of this week. ~_~
Speaking of cars. On Friday, my friend Christy called me to express her outrage about an article she'd read in Sport Compact Car about the Lancer that we're getting here in the US. ~_~ It's the car to replace the currently-being-phased-out Mirage. And here's the best part. *note the sarcasm :P* Single overhead-cam engine with 120 hp. I completely understand her outrage. My car (an Eclipse) has a DOHC with 130 hp. ~___~ What makes it worse is that the same magazine had a bunch of articles and pictures of the WRX that Subaru's sending to the US. *cries* But I wanted a LanEvo!!! T_T
Lady of the long emperor
Friday, August 31, 2001 - 03:40 p.m.
o_O;;; *reads the story in the Samguk Yusa again*
Sometimes, you come across the strangest things while reading.
The King was a big man and his phallus measured one foot five inches, so that it was difficult to find a suitable queen for him. But it was necessary that he marry, both to live a normal life and to provide an heir to the throne to whom he could pass on his jeweled scepter and royal crown. Courtiers were therefore sent to every corner of the kingdom with instructions to find a giant girl who would be a suitable match for the King.
O_o;; What makes this so ... so ... strange is that the Samguk Yusa is one of two classic documents of Korea by the monk Ilyon. I don't know if it's just me, but I sure don't expect to find something like that in classical reading. *snerks* Then again, the folks back then were probably a lot more earthy and practical than we are now, so it really shouldn't surprise me, I guess. :P
I'm your turbo lover
Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 11:44 p.m.
Gran Turismo 3 is such a fucking sweet game! XD Those S-Class cars are just ridiculously out of control. So much fun, though. I need to learn how to turn better. ^^;;
I'm SO tired. Yeah, I know I keep saying that all the time, but it's true. ~_~ I'd like nothing more than to just sleep for about 12 hours straight. The 5 hour drive tomorrow prolly isn't gonna help. :P But, I get to go to yaoi-con and see Mizu'n Rituko again, so I don't mind. ^_______^
Then, next week, I get to go up north again to go work for my parents while they're on vacation in Korea. ~_~ SO fucking tired.
And after all that, I'm gonna go to an after-hours club the weekend after that. ^o^
C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me
Thursday, August 30, 2001 - 05:44 p.m.
@_@ We had a cookies'n cream birthday cake with ice cream for a coworker's birthday today... Too...much...sugar... Now I got a sugar headache. ^^;;
Whee! Just another day until I leave for NoCal and yaoi-con. ^________^ I didn't have time to sew my hakama, so I'm not gonna be cosplaying Anji (GGX) like I thought. 'Stead, I'm gonna be Takepon-kitty for Mizu's Shinpon-kitty. =^.^=
*snerks* Also, after a moment of sheer insanity, I volunteered myself to lead the Final Fantasy discussion at the con. So. Any of y'all out there with hankerings for purty Square boys, come on over and talk with me. XD
Nidol will help you get your zzzz's!
Wednesday, August 29, 2001 - 02:40 p.m.
Sooooo sleepy.... ~_~
Had lunch at Sizzler's today and damn if it ain't makin' me wanna take a nap. Then again, I always wanna take a nap right about this time. ~_~
foobie-woobie-kiddie-fuck
Wednesday, August 29, 2001 - 01:09 a.m.
*grins* Hey, cool. I got it to work! XD Thanks inky. ^_____^
Welp, looks like I finally broke down and got an actual blog. ^^;;
How y'guys like the pic? Inn't cute? *huggles the piccy* Inky scribbled it after reading the Project D blog. XD
As for the title of this entry... *giggles* I went and watched "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back". That is one random-ass movie. It was great, though. Not the best cinematic achievement of the year, but it's fucking hilarious, and really, isn't that all that counts? ^_~
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